Season of Change

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

It’s been a long time since I last posted a blog. Sometimes I go through seasons that I feel I have nothing worthwhile to say to anyone. In all reality, it doesn’t matter what season you are in, you have plenty to say and God wants you to say what He has put in your heart. It is the enemy who wants to silence your voice.

I am in a season of change. I have been in a season of change for over two years and I have been fighting it with all my might. My husband and I have moved to a small town in Mississippi, after living in Huntsville, AL for over 28 years. I left friends, a great church, and a home I loved. I keep asking God how I ended up here, and what I’m supposed to do now. I was a homeschool mom for over 20 years. I poured my heart into my two boys on a daily basis. I will never regret the decision to homeschool, but now I’m struggling to find my footing as I try to discover my new identity. I was confident and sure of who I was as a mom and as a homeschool teacher. My days were super busy--filled with grading papers, finding the right curriculum, writing out weekly lesson plans, and driving kids back and forth to all their activities and outside classes. All of that came to a crashing halt when they graduated. I was okay for a while, until the rug was again pulled out from under me and we moved away from all that was familiar to me. Currently, neither of our sons live close by and won’t likely move to Mississippi.

I’m super proud of both of our sons. Our oldest son recently joined the Army and is specializing in helicopter repair, our youngest son is in nursing school. We are so grateful they are both thriving and doing well. But for me, I’m asking, now what? Who am I without all the busy days and how do I deal with all the quietness of this season? I know God is still speaking in the silence, it’s just hard to hear Him right now. So here I am at 4:46 a.m., writing from my heart listening to a song playing on my phone and I hear God singing these words to my heart.

“When you're underwater, don't know up from down

You don't need to fight it, just surrender now.

I know your heart is aching, you feel in the dark

You are not alone, I know where you are.

And lay your burdens down, lay it all on Me.

Rest your weary head and I'll be all you need.

I'll be everything, everything.

You are rising up to the surface now

You will get through this, I will show you how.

Now your mind is clearing and your heart is strong

I am taking you to where you belong.

I'm still speaking in the silence

I'm still moving though at times you cannot see.

When you've got questions more than answers

You will find me right here in the mystery.

I'll be everything, I'll be everything.

And lay your burdens down, lay it all on Me.

Rest your weary head and I'll be all you need

I'll be everything, everything.” (Bethel Music)

A few days ago, I realized the enemy was trying to bring back all the things that God had delivered and healed from my past. I felt depression, loneliness. and feelings of worthlessness washing over me. I’ve been in a spiritual fog for a while and haven’t been able to see clearly that the enemy was trying to silence my voice and make me ineffective. I woke up feeling defeated. Then God brought to my memory a scene in the movie “The War Room.” The main character in the movie got angry at the enemy and all he was doing in her home, so she commanded the enemy to leave and opened the front door and told him to get out! I felt the Holy Spirit rise up within me and I got out of bed and told the enemy he had to leave. I shouted out loud and reminded him (and myself) that I am a daughter of the King, I have been delivered and healed and am under the blood of Jesus. I declared that God has a purpose for my life, even if I can’t see it right now. I commanded darkness, depression and the spirit of loneliness to leave. I immediately felt a shift in the atmosphere as I prayed through my house, walking into every room. God is beginning to answer my prayer for new friends in this area. I’m so grateful He hears my heart and cares about every detail of my life.

Our whole nation is in a major transition right now. All I know to do is pray and hang on tightly to what I know. I don’t know where I belong right now or what God wants me to do, but I’m hearing God say to me, “Live in the moment, look and listen to who I put in front of you.” As I surrender to the place I am living right now, far away from my kids and dear friends, God has me in the palm of His hand. I’m so grateful to have an encouraging husband who is walking with me on this journey and is helping me through this transition. He is such a blessing to me and I’m so grateful to have walked through all kinds of transitions and seasons with him for 32 years. I know God will continue to be faithful to show us His purpose and plan as we trust Him.

I want to encourage you when the enemy comes in and tries to silence your voice and make you feel you are not worthy, kick him out! Remind yourself of who you are. Declare out loud all that He has done for you and where He has brought you. Remind yourself that God is working on your behalf, even when you can’t see it. Stand strong, daughter of the King, rise up and take your place as a warrior in His army. The world needs to hear it is possible to have hope, joy, and peace in the midst of the chaos swirling around us. Remember who God is; He is good, faithful, kind, loving, comforting and so much more. Ask God to put people in your path to share His love and hope. Be courageous to pray for people when you are out shopping or running errands, you may never know the impact your words of encouragement and hope will bring to a broken world. They are waiting for us to speak His words of life. We are His voice, His hands and feet.

Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.