Let Him Go, Let Him Go!

I have a hard time even writing this because then it becomes a little too real for me. My oldest son, Ryan, is graduating in May. I’m so proud of him and all that he has accomplished. He is a considerate and kind young man who loves God with all his heart. He just officially became an Eagle Scout (still waiting on some signatures, but he’s there).

I thought this summer would be a great time to make more memories and go on some short family trips, but I just discovered there is no more time. He will be leaving in May, to work in another state. He still isn’t settled on whether he is going to school in the area or another state, so there is a real possibility he could be leaving for good just a couple days after he graduates. I have to be honest, I was prepared for him to leave in the fall (as best as I could be), but I wasn’t ready for him to leave in less than a month.

Ryan feels that God is calling him to be a missionary. I have to swallow hard and find every ounce of faith inside me to smile and say, “That’s great!” Being a full-time missionary will mean sacrifice, money struggles, and yes, it could even mean danger. It also means that we won’t be seeing him too much around here anymore. My job as his homeschool mom is quickly coming to a close.

Because schools involving ministry don’t have scholarships, Ryan will to earn as much money as he can this summer before starting in the fall. For him, that means he will be going out of state to work with my husband’s brother in Michigan. I’m so grateful he has this opportunity, but my heart is not okay with it yet. I will miss him terribly.

There comes a time in everyone’s faith where the rubber hits the road, so to speak. This is one of those times for me. I have all the faith I need for myself—to receive healing, to meet my financial needs, for my marriage, for safety, and more. But when it comes to my children, it takes a whole new level of faith.

I have to ask myself, “Do I trust God with the care of my son?” I have to dig deep down and believe that God is able to watch over him, meet his needs, and direct his steps. This is a new journey for me that I’m trying to embrace. I still have one more teenage son at home to hug, feed, and watch over, for which I’m grateful. But it won’t be long before my nest is truly empty.

God often shows me things in pictures. As I was praying one morning about Ryan becoming a missionary, God showed me a very clear picture of something that happened when Ryan was a toddler. Ryan was just barely three when he asked Jesus into his heart. God showed me a picture of a time when I was grocery shopping, with Ryan sitting in the front of the cart. As I was turned to get food off the shelf, Ryan would ask other people coming down the aisle, “Do you know Jesus? Do you have Jesus in your heart?” I remembered him doing that, and I was overwhelmed at this picture. I felt God saying to me, “I chose Ryan all those many years ago for this purpose.” In my heart, I knew that God was confirming to me He indeed had a calling on Ryan’s life.

I have always hated change, but I know it is part of life. All the moms I talk to say, “Honey, I know how you are feeling, it will be okay.” All the dads say, “He’s a man now, you have to let him go!” How does one calendar day in the year turn an eighteen-year-old all of a sudden into a man that can leave home and be on his own the next day? I know I have to let him go, I know I have to walk a path so many other moms have walked. I also know that God will help me transition to the next step He has for me. I’m not finished yet, I’m just changing course and finding a new path to walk.

I’m grateful I know that the Father will be with me and hold me up so I can be strong. I’m grateful that God has given me such a caring, gentle husband that understands that this is difficult for me. I know I will be all right and I know that God has great things in store for my son.

Ryan, I am so proud of who you have become. I’m grateful that you have chosen to walk a path that God has laid before you. I know you will accomplish mighty tasks in God’s kingdom. But for now, I must let you go and give you to God’s care. He is the best Father of all and I know He will be with you always. Your dad and I will be standing by, cheering you on and praying for you every day.